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Time has passed by staring blankly at the Good EMT The One Where They Were Coronavirus 2020 Shirt TV, sometimes watching just infomercials because you don’t have the energy to change the channel and really you are just trying to make it until you can sleep. You know what a burden you are. Then it’s as if your brain tries to do you a favor by slipping into blackness, so deep there’s no more emotion, no more glimmers of possibility, only the knowledge that you are going to have to live this way forever.
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One day I decided I had had enough. I went to the kitchen counter, littered with dirty dishes and pizza boxes and grabbed all of my pills. Reached in the cupboard for some Benadryl for good measure and swallowed every pill out of every bottle. I didn’t cry or Good EMT The One Where They Were Coronavirus 2020 Shirt feel any fear, just the total lack of emotion that had ruled my life for months. I didn’t write a note. I just returned to the couch and laid down to let it happen. I guess if I felt anything it was a relief.