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Another night alone, sitting in Leopard Lips Social Worker Hated By Many Loved By Plenty Heart Shirt front of the computer with a mouse in one hand and a vodka on the rocks in the other, trying to kill time before complete exhaustion overtakes me, hopefully before the sunrise. I aimlessly click back and forth, page after page of news prattle, stupid people doing stupid things in stupid videos, social media sites to catch up with friends and family, playing free unskilled games in hopes of draining your wallet that I had no intention of ever purchasing, and the occasional bit of fantasy self-fulfillment porn.  amusing thing that I find from all of this cyber-wandering is the constant bombardment of cheesy ads supposedly directed at me personally with my hometown shoehorned in the text that has been gathered from my IP address, a half-assed attempt to impress me into thinking

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“Oh, golly! This MUST be legit! Let me just click on Leopard Lips Social Worker Hated By Many Loved By Plenty Heart Shirt this and download what couldn’t possibly be a trojan virus!” Idiots. I’m not new to the ways of the internet. I’m a goddamn pro at wasting as much of my adult time as possible with my little two buttoned friends! Later on into the night and into my fifth beverage, I notice one of these banner ads blinking with neon red letters at the top of a news site. I only noticed it because it had my name flashing as the first word. “James!” it read, “MILFs in your area want to meet you! One MILF is just 10 miles away!” I laughed heartily to myself, nearly spitting out some of my precious vodkas. Who still uses that term these days? MILF? Just another example of how the advertisement industry is way out of touch with the world. I swallow my almost airborne mouthful and furrow my brow a bit.

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How did they know my name? I didn’t think you could get a name from a Leopard Lips Social Worker Hated By Many Loved By Plenty Heart Shirt IP address, just a location. Damn, these programming nerds are getting really good at their jobs these days! I click refresh for the latest news articles on the site. When the page fully loaded, I was knocked back in my chair, mouse flung from my hand, and a single ice cube fell onto the floor and slid behind me seemed to be slowing down for the night, so I clicked on the title to read more, half out of interest, half out of boredom my friends at MILF Incorporated. “James! MILFs in your area want to meet you! One MILF is just 7 miles away!” Oh, you have got to be kidding me

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