Yesterday was my mom’s funeral. She died a Nice Cactus Can’t Touch This Shirt week before her 50th birthday after a very long battle with different illnesses over the last 15 years. It was incredibly hard, especially for me, my little sister, and my grandma (her mom). I come from a very large extended family on both my mom’s dad and mom’s side. My grandma has 2 brothers – one of them I adore (nice uncle, also my mom’s godfather), the other can sit on a cactus (smells musty and is generally rude with cunt of a wife).
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The one I adore stayed with us, the Nice Cactus Can’t Touch This Shirt other one stayed in a hotel. The awful one is married to the great aunt who is the star of this story. I have always hated Tacky Asshole due to the fact she’s always been tacky, brags about living off the government, has to tell you how much money her jewelry costs (it’s Pandora, nothing fancy). We have a huge flood of guests within the hour-long visitation, and thankfully Tacky Asshole and crew don’t arrive until about 10 minutes before the ceremony starts.
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Asked nice uncle’s gay son if he has AIDS and that’s why he’s thin, put a Nice Cactus Can’t Touch This Shirt label on my great-grandma’s jewelry so we’ll know what she wants to get when my great-grandma dies (she is still alive and well!), tries to hug everything with a pulse, smells like flowery old person, and is generally a huge cunt. My mother also hated this woman so I felt no regrets about being a bitch to her yesterday.
Other products: Official Basketball Mom Softball Shirt