I can’t think of Official Bigfoot Grandpa Like A Regular Grandpa But Way More Squatchy Shirt anyone who deserves it more. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Fuck you if you think that makes me the bad guy. Maddie was eight years old when I was born. Whereas Maddie was calm and quiet and slept through the night from birth, I howled day and night and nothing could ever shut me up. Maddie was healthy and hale and I was premature and sickly, causing my parents no end of anxiety.
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Maddie made the Official Bigfoot Grandpa Like A Regular Grandpa But Way More Squatchy Shirt honor roll and I consistently failed anything I bothered to try at. Maddie was getting her Ph.D. while I was flunking out of community college. Such was the case with Maddie’s boyfriend, Shithead Mark. She brought him around mom and dad’s house every school break. Shithead Mark did not attend a university with my sister. She stopped putting photos on Facebook of her and her study buddies at the campus bar. I scraped together enough spare change for bus fare and made plans to surprise her with a visit.
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Shithead Mark didn’t do much of Official Bigfoot Grandpa Like A Regular Grandpa But Way More Squatchy Shirt anything apparently. He told my folks he developed video games but I never saw any evidence of this and the guy couldn’t tell his ass from his front when it came to computers. He and Maddie moved in together so she could support him ‘until he made it big’. Yeah right. Maddie came home less and less. Shithead Mark seemed to always need her car for something or another and it never seemed to be the right time.
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