This was going to be great! All the years of Good Vintage Raccoon Life Fast Eat Trash Shirt education, savings, entry-level jobs — all to get to this point in my life — this point in *our* life. It was exactly what my brand-spankin’ new wife, Hanna and I needed to clear out the old anxieties and focus on what really mattered in life. The little farmhouse on Buckhead Road would be the ideal location to start our family. Fresh air, quiet open spaces, and my God, the stars at night — we’d actually be able to see them. It was totally worth the money. A round-bellied man in a grey work shirt with and embroidered name patch handed me the final invoice. Excitement overrode the sticker shock.
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Directing a thumb toward the Good Vintage Raccoon Life Fast Eat Trash Shirt house on the left, with its decorative farm-fresh metal shards and woodpiles. “…that’s on par with the amount of stuff we typically haul, only you know, MDF from Ikea.” I nodded as if I knew what MDF stood for. Couldn’t look like a chump in front of the movers. Hanna joined me at my side as we waved away the movers, leaving us to our new life in the country. Well, we did it, Missus Barnes. We sure did, Mister Barnes,” she said, jumping into my arms for our first kiss as homeowners. She leaned in and started to nibble my earlobe. I melted as she whispered her warm words.
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“Kraft mac n’ cheese, paired with a Good Vintage Raccoon Life Fast Eat Trash Shirt lovely Pino Niro from the rich and scenic Oak Valley region of the three-dollar bin.” I presented my wife with a meal fit for a Queen – a Queen on a budget. We pulled out the old DVD player and had a paranormal movie marathon. Which, in hindsight, was probably not the best genre to screen on our first night in a new house. We cuddled on a makeshift bed in front of the television. With our stomachs full of processed cheese food product and discount wine, we started to drift off to sleep.